Thoughts on the Deep and the Not so Deep.

2012-01-30T00:05:00.000-07:00

The Book of Mormon is pro- homeopathic medicine:

" And there were some who died with fevers, which at some seasons of the year were very frequent in the land—but not so much so with fevers, because of the excellent qualities of the many plants and roots which God had prepared to remove the cause of diseases, to which men were subject by the nature of the climate—" (Alma 46:40)

I really do believe that there are many herbs and plants that we overlook when it comes to overcoming diseases. I love learning about various essential oils that have anti-viral properties, or anti-bacterial for facials. I don't have an qualms with modern medicine, I just don't think the simply things of the earth already here should be so overlooked.

2012-01-29T23:48:00.001-07:00

Today at Church we talked about the Book of Mormon and how often it spoke about murmuring among Nephi's family. Even Lehi murmured at times, his wife Sariah, and even Nephi himself repented in the end of his Book about complaining of his physical weaknesses, and yes- even anger problems.

I spoke up and rambled about how I complain to one of my family members often about my life and how in some cases you DO need to talk to people about life to get 'validation', but in my life and from watching others' lives I see that too often if we didn't say 'anything at all' (as thumper admonishes in Bambie) then much of life's ills WOULD roll off our backs! I found this to be so true in my wonderful sister who NEVER gossiped or complained about anyone in her High School days living at home. Did she ever cry in her room about mean girls, yes, but she got over it after she cried!

People in my life, that really know me, know that I can perceive emotions from people pretty darn well. I grew up fascinated by faces and facial expressions, however my ability to express through my own can fall at that waste side as I suffer from mild social anxiety, that I'm overcome tremendously the past two years.

I've been studying Autism lately as I've met and heard of people being diagnosed with Aspergers, which is on that spectrum. I worked with Autistic children working for the government as an ABA therapist. I loved it and I love that it taught me how to raise children and help them behave. I can get a child through a 'fit' quite easily. Essentially, be calm and strong, the moment you lose your cool and yell or give into what the child is wanting (via 'bad' behavior you want to condition them out of) - you've lost or they've learned that 'that' is how they need to act to get what they want.

I am not yet a mother, but I dearly look forward to being one. Teaching my nieces and nephews how to be kind and share is so much fun to me and doing it with a good attitude makes them want to practice. Children are so pure, even when they misbehave... they still have the full light of Christ in their eyes.

Again, I suffer from social anxiety and find myself lost in a world of non-verbals, or more or less stuck in over-analyzing them. I get them quite well and have noticed that too often people may not realize how their own reactions affect others. I know a boy that often makes dramatic reactions whenever I'm around him that he could be well perceived in a play on a stage... (if you don't know much about acting, stage acting is all about playing it big, loud and obvious). Last night I was sure if I saw him act like that again I'd have to have a little 'talk'.. but I know myself that my own non-verbals get lost and I forget that others see how I react to them, sadly I come off reacting in ways that I'm not even feeling and I literally have to sit in my room practicing smiling and not only that- but with your eyes like good 'ole Tyra says, I think that I am more shy than anything about 'smiling'... but people react to what they assume my reaction is and I perceive their 'true' desire- which is not to talk to someone like me at or ever- so I don't, but the point of having to sell yourself annoys the HECK out of me... it HAS to be done, even though I feel disingenuous- I am more dishonest in not trying to portray the actual ME people hardly see....

2011-12-26T00:22:00.001-07:00

I had a wonderful Christmas. I got to make someone laugh with a gift and someone else who never gets excited about what I buy- to get really excited and happy to use what I bought, and I don't have much money! Truly giving is much better than receiving.

There is nothing like seeing a child get something so small and cheap and be so incredibly grateful. I think that's why children bring so much joy into the world, they are so humble and grateful for nearly everything, if they aren't- then likely they had some negative conditioning, but it's really natural for us to be grateful and in awe of the world, it's over time and with temptation after the age of accountability that we stop caring and stop thanking.

When it comes to consumerism, I'm pro art and progress in the world, but the idea that fashion means something and you should keep up with it like you should with the news or anything else going on the world, you are prey to businessmen. When it comes to the world and all it's vanity, it's the fact that so many are mindlessly pushed around and controlled by these empty ideals.

Those who are caught up in selfishness and sin of the world are often described as being tossed around in wind and taking odd paths, essentially being dragged around by satan in misery to his own delight, which I just read described about the state of good and bad at the last day:

"...when the storm cometh they shall be gathered together in their place, that the storm cannot penetrate to them; yea, neither shall they be driven with fierce winds whithersoever the enemy listeth to carry them."

Alma 26:6

This scripture spoke about the Lamanites in the Book of Mormon after many were converted. Before conversion to what was actually the Law of Moses still, but the fullest extent of the gospel at that time they went from being people who kill and steal to get what they needed- to being productive and able to progress intellectually and financially... spiritually :)

Before I graduated high school I was quite into fashion. I'd read the mags and try to come up with my own fashion ideas. The makeup isle was like a candy store. Till I graduated High School and saw the things I'd abhorred becoming in 'fashion'- like aviator glasses and trucker hats... I still had this magical ideal attached with fashion... As it slowly burst and movies like Josie and the Pussycats came about, mocking consumerism, that I realized how little it means.

I find that being a woman, I LOVE change, and being an artist... clothing is a art. Makeup is a art. Non of this is BAD, but the love and false ideal in what the world wants you to like and be is void and lacking in peace and security.

"For with God nothing shall be impossible"

2011-12-21T01:44:00.001-07:00

Luke 1:37
This scripture is references the greatest miracle of all, the Savior, the Son of God being born to a mortal mother, half his Father and half his mother, bringing with Him all his foreordained spiritual capability to resist all sin and be the perfect sacrifice to save us all. We are all saved from eternal damnation through Him and can obtain Eternal Life through Him if we believe and follow him fully.

Some days I feel that the promises made to me simply scare the heck out of me. The Father of Lies can be so deceiving. As I learn to shut him up and listen to the Father more and more in every instance of weakness in my life I am stronger and more able to resist temptation.

Everyday trying to be like the Savior is our goal in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Savior was perfect and His love was absolutely perfect and so beautiful to dwell on. When we take the sacrament every single Sunday we feel his hands cleanse our souls of the week, missing that for any reason can be the hardest thing as there is nothing more peaceful than feeling you've been completely washed cleaned and forgiven. It is an action.

Nothing is impossible with the Lord and everything is impossible with Satan. The Son of perdition will look at the Sun and actually deny that it rises!

It says in the Book of Mormon:

"But behold, it sorroweth me because of the fourth generation from this generation, for they are led away captive by him even as was the son of perdition; for they will sell me for silver and for gold, and for that which moth doth corrupt and which thieves can break through and steal. And in that day will I visit them, even in turning their works upon their own heads."

3 Nephi 27:32

We can set our hearts on the things of this world or look for something better and more complete. There is nothing more terrifying to people right now on this American Continent than the lack of money, proving that we care more about money than anything! There are protests on all sides of people simply angry about losing or not getting enough money.

Today was an especially rough day for me for many physical reasons, I knew that I was being negative and had to simply leave a situation for a while. I have to take care of my body and sometimes it's simply very hard. Being positive takes doing and treating ourselves well. Sometimes we have to recognize a difficult situation in life and know that we are not perfect and have to simply go on and either walk away or look away and breathe. The Savior was perfect and he too had to walk away for 40 days and 40 nights to complete His perfection. He was tempted worse than all of us could imagine and he resisted the desire to seek for power or fame. He COULD have been rich! He could heal anyone if pleased, but he even then worked under the direction of the Father and had no pride in His heart.

Some things people say in talks and such have really brought hope into my life. It is easy to believe in dreams when your dreams come true, but to believe that others can obtain those same dreams no matter the circumstance is Christlike.

The Church is true, I depend on the Lord for all that I have and do. I write this in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Delightful

2011-12-13T01:33:00.002-07:00

My favorite memories often are of eating food... I remember the family trips that I loved and I remember the food. Growing up I had a fabulous mother who was a nurse and cared a lot about my health and taught me a lot about taking good care of my body. I've never been into drugs- at all, I've never had an eating disorder of any sort... I've often been saddened by those who don't have a good relationship with food. I find that knowledge is the best combatant for any challenges of the sort, but I'm not an expert, and I'm NOT perfect. A good relationship doesn't mean I haven't wished I was skinner- just that I see my body for what it really is and know when I need to be eating more and have the will to actually do it, along with knowing and having to will to cut out addicting and unhealthy foods (I could live off of Umpqua Ice cream and cheese curds in a heartbeat).

Growing up I was terrible picky when it came to food. I was really skinny because I one, loved fruit and veggies, and well- didn't like most food that was given to me. My mom would buy boxes of Ramen noodles as that was all that I would eat. By High School eating a cookie and crackers for lunch wasn't cutting it anymore... I would get really light headed and clammy and had no idea why... I was eating food, I wasn't avoiding food... why I couldn't get through dance class without feeling like I was going to pass out? By college I chose to go to the doctor, the kind nurse told me I needed to eat actual food (implying anorexia), not a nice thing to say to someone who was fasting to get her blood sugar tested; she got the look of death. So, yeah, I was told that I was a classic case of hypoglycemia... what is that? How do I treat that?- "research it..." - that I did.

College came and I gradually learned the importance of avoiding white flour and happily incorporated brown rice, wheat pasta- made a huge difference in my mood and energy. :) I began eating more vegetables and loving food, the affair begins. Funny how something like being diagnosed as hypoglycemia to make me enjoy and appreciate food more than ever. My energy went up, I was feeling so much better, I became a better dancer in college, life was looking up.

I don't understand eating disorders sometimes, and often seeing women frail and not touching anything with carbs or butter makes me sad... :( I know we can't judge and often our judgements are wrong. I remember being in college and having one of my picky moments in the kitchen; going back and forth between the cabinet and fridge and my roommate commenting about someone being anorexic, the other roommate exclaiming, "I'm anorexic??" ..." No, not you...." and silence. I shrug it off and could care less, cause I'm NOT- wasn't.

I find it funny how people find certain issues to be Kosher to be insensitive towards. I had a friend who had struggled with severe anorexia most of her life and may till the end. She told me stories of how hateful people would be when she'd go to an aerobics class, being told she could not participate- she was too skinny... Would that be okay to say to someone who's overweight? This was bluntly stated in front of a group of people, mean.

I've had trouble watching fads of anorexia and almost entire states seem to be overlooking malnutrition for a cellulite free bum. Living in some states was very difficult for me, being surrounded by so many women that opening scoff at someone who eats one doughnut and isn't 5'8' and a size 3, and proudly proclaiming to eat fruit and nuts all day and actually believe that's balanced and healthy... Then the men who only go for girls who do that, another story for another day (whatever happened men who liked girls who aren't a stick figures, and actually have figures?)

Finding men who have a bad relationship with food is on the rise. Many men go for the protein shakes to lose weight? Gain muscle? Likely it will thwart all of that! I just researched very quickly my assumption of protein shakes having a lot of Soy in them, and they do: http://gnc.imageg.net/graphics/product_images/pGNC1-5767403_gnclabel_pdf.pdf; ingredients from a popular GNC protein shake. SOYBEANS. Soymilk- that explains---- ALOT. ESTROGEN makes you fat and have trouble gaining muscle- Oh-snaaap.

...Another story from my life... I am lactose intolerant, I could explain my embarrassments from junior yeah of college... but I won't- just that I am and fell in love with Chocolate Soymilk and became a 'cry- baby'. I'm not a cry-baby, never really have been... I become roommates with a cool 'hippy' girl who had a father who was a psychiatrist...I learned so much that summer.... I had my concerns about Soy and becoming leery till she tips me off on it's affect on hormones... "That's why you feel so emotional. It raises estrogen levels..."- yes! If an entire week out of month wasn't bad enough; make it everyday if you drink enough of it!

There has been a tremendous amount of research on this (soy relate estrogen imbalances)- books and article after health article. I wrote an essay on it once. I'll just reference a man's mag to scare all men:

http://www.menshealth.com/nutrition/soys-negative-effects

This article SHOULD scare all men. Some men literally scare the heck out of me and I feel like rummaging through their fridge to see how many Soy infused products I can find. I can almost guarantee that men who exhibit the "you KNOW what you DID" itis (alah Lauren Concrad..), are likely pumping unusual amounts of this 'crap' into their body.

Needless to say, my crybaby moments are singled out to those lovely occasional weeks when it naturally spikes in estrogen, and times I've had to eat canned food... (similar effects on the body, estrogen infusion is everwhere... AH)- but I now buy broth packets and make my own soup But I'm not an exert on hormones, I just like to read 'reputable' sources who know much more than me :)

A few years out of college and avoiding the things that throw me off balance and eating more fruits and vegetables that not only eating 'complex carbs' helps my levels of feeling good, you know? I find that the times when I feel drowsy or down it more related to eating something that threw me off balance than anything. Now there are times in life when negativity from life that can throw a girl off balance, but that's another topic for another day.

When I get married my husband will learn two things if I'm not happy, let me dance and make me a super-smoothy- my world could crumble and I'd be fine. I have fallen in LOVE with smoothies; large amounts of concentrated OJ, berries, yogurt, SPINACH and frozen banana brings all the sweetness you'll ever desire or need in a drink and makes me feel more energized and literally 'happy' than anything I have found to eat in life. Food is drug. It can be an addiction and it can be a cure. It's true, a wise man once said:

"The doctor of the future will give no medication, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, diet and in the cause and prevention of disease."
- Thomas A Edison

2011-10-31T02:11:00.005-06:00

Moroni 10:5, 7
" And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things....

"7 And ye may know that he is, by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore I would exhort you that ye deny not the power of God; for he worketh by power, according to the faith of the children of men, the same today and tomorrow, and forever."

I am amazed at how wonderful it is to be so at peace with some decisions. I was confused for a few months grappling for some kind of difference in my life. One evening I found myself feeling incredibly stuck. I had to pray for peace thinking that I would just get it being so overwhelmed with needing change in life soon, and nothing. So I asked Him what I should be thinking, wanting, feeling... I literally had to change my thought process, desires and plans till he said 'yes, that IS what you should do'. The moment I found my 'answer' all my concerns became washed away with peace, what I needed to do fell right into place with one simple change of idea, love and comfort enveloped me. Warm fuzzies!!

As I'm learning to have more faith in others I find that my faith in God in strengthened. We all falter and make mistakes, understanding and having a spirit of forgiveness helps us forgive ourselves and move on with life. I'm hoping to finally move on with mine, whatever my future may become. I have to be prepared for the worst but be able to hope for better at the same time.

It's so difficult to have a proper level of hope. It is somewhat messed up when we say we have hope only if this or that happens EXACTLY as we want it to be. The Lord doesn't send us here to have life be perfect, but for us to be perfected. Satan wants us to feel hopeless when things don't work out as planned, we do our very best and end with negative results...

"Life is not only to endure but enjoyed." President Hinckley

I want life to be enjoyable. I enjoy the small things in life. People can be difficult to enjoy sometimes... They get offended when you walk in a room and say nothing, when you walk into a room and actually say something... and it's not what you say, but HOW you say it.. and how you look when you say... you're intent can be null... I can't please people, I try... I hold my tongue, I release it to say something goofy and people take me seriously... I don't understand people somedays, but I look forward to a fresh start somewhere new that I feel good about.

Someday we'll all speak the Adamic language, Satan will be bound... there will be no illness! I look forward to the day that communication between others is full of hope n charity.. maybe we'll find a lot of it. Last days... times getting rough... maybe we will be quarantined for a year and I'll have time to work on my art :) Trying times physically coming ahead... People wanting to force 'change' upon us... sure didn't catch the Flick 'The Village'... You can't escape mortality when you're in mortality... you can't force other people to be nice... or to be 'good'... God doesn't force us to do anything!... You make promises, you keep them- blessings! :) we don't... no blessings... we BREAK them... consequences... but we get to CHOOSE our path, it's the only way to live.

Freedom of choice, blessings and consequences come from it, good and bad. We work hard- we are rewarded! You get a good workout- you feel great- endorphins! You eat food endorphins! God's a NICE guy... He's all about positive reinforcement :) but we don't get endorphins for sitting on our bum bums all day! We get out of line and no one is progressing.. he LET'S us destroy ourselves. He let Adam lead us into the fall, and being Mormon- it's a GOOD thing he did what he did, without it non of us could exist :) Children bring joy, Adam and Even found greater Joy outside of the Garden of Eden than within... their trials shaped them and molded them, and do the same to us :)

God always has the answers and the plan. The Fall was part of the plan! He wasn't stupid, Satan was. Satan thought he'd rule the earth, the earth will never obey him. He thinks that he can stop a generation from overcoming evil, He's very very wrong. We can overcome all this crazy talk... We can lead ourselves into a better time, day, life.

RANDOM

2011-10-23T00:50:00.001-06:00

BLOG.

Today, was amazing. I had very little sleep and had energy (thank you healthy daily smoothy). Oh, I make this amazing smoothy; it has ubber amounts of amazing ingredients :) Spinach, 1/4 of a container of concentrated orange juice, organic yogurt, strawberries, bananas, raspberries (frozen of course- ESP the spinach I buy in a HUGE container, store frozen spinach is a nightmare for smoothies). It is my reuptake of serotonin helper (I'm not deficient if you're wondering, social anxiety actually is based upon anxiety and I can easily be happy if I want to!... unless I'm eating crappy :D)) :) So is running, praying, trying to not yell at random strangers- it all helps (the latter is a growing problem).

My new HAPPY place? Baja Fresh. I walked in today after almost driving through Panda Express, by accident of course (evil nasty food place), on my lunch break (I have to work on Saturdays 10 hours and I'm up at 5AM.... I'm better than you). I was sooo tired. A very sweet, smiling Latino woman greeting me and gave me FREE chips! I was happy till I realized that I couldn't find my hand sanitizer... then know what I found??? HUGE bottles of hand sanitizer EVERYWHERE... well maybe just two, but I smiled for the second time this month (you know, cause I'm MEAN and SCARY). The burrito was top notch, and I'm too poor to go there everyday, but it's my new happy place.

I had my first deep tissue massage :) My back is okay, my shoulders... out of place again, but after explaining my 'history' we knew it would likely be a result. See, I am born loose jointed, which came in handy with dance, which is actually WHY my mother put me in dance.. to strengthen my joints and keep them in place. Well, after graduating college I lost muscle (pooh) and joints got looser. I had no idea of my 'condition' till I randomly went with my guy friend to a break dancing class in Utah (you know, that place where I had friends and parties that I was invited to) and attempted the windmill a few times, I stood up with a weird feeling... I walked away and my one leg was just SHORTER.. no pain.. nothing... gradually days go by and it hurts really bad, I call my Nurse (mother) and she matter of factly tells me that it's dislocated. After a day of walking downtown Salt Lake in High heals (no idea why)- I am walking like a 'gimp' my friend tells me; my mother instructs me to ice the heck out it, take pain meds and slam it back into the socket... In pain I finally do this, I actually feel it happen and I'm fine.

A couple of years ago the Swine Flu was going around in Provo. I remember hugging a friend goodbye who had it and hanging around a guy who casually said that he was diagnosed with specifically Swine Flu... so having no idea what the flu was besides the common cold I learn pretty quick when I find that I have ackiness in muscles I haven't overworked... I felt strange. My shoulders were feeling really odd and I kept trying to get them to feel better so I finally do something I am told NOT to do in Yoga class, balance on my shoulders... they were driving me nuts. Well, nurse-mother tells me that I have the flu and to take it easy... I do just that. I take several LONG detoxing baths with essential oils (eucalyptus and a few others shown to be anti viral). I feel crappy and then much better... but my shoulder starts to hurt, and gradually it gets worse... till I can hardly lift my arm... The spirit tell me to research how to relocate a dislocated shoulder. I find it online and next thing I'm laying on the floor trying these moves, I am in so much pain I nearly pass out... sure enough- it goes back into place, and yes I hear and feel it happen. I go to the doctor and I am neither shrugged off or told insane for saying that I think I had a dislocated shoulder for a few days, it was swollen enough.. he gives me 'Super IBuprofen which helped... Since then my shoulders have been loose (I guess four days of being out of socket can do that to tendons).

On the random subject of random subject, I finally realized that my broken baby toe finally healed, over a year later. At the year march of slamming my foot into a wall (I sprint for no reason sometimes), it would still have sever pain and swelling whenever I kicked (..kickboxing moves..). I remember last fall I thought it was better till I was at the Corn Maze with fun people and decided to jump a stack of Hay and found myself in sever pain... I actually walked through the whole stupid corn maze after that. I had little sympathy, when I'm hurt I am not good at portraying sincerity. I think years of dance and gymnastics I don't react as deeply as a normal person, actually I sometimes LAUGH.

Odd injury experience: BYUI- Rexburg, HUGE library... the STAIRS. I woke up one morning feeling that I should wear my awesome knee high boots (thick and padded- Rexburg is COLD). I don't. Day is great, I'm at the Library, and well... my blood sugar is low and I'm tired. I walk out the third floor door and remember feeling odd and before i know it I'm off balance and heading down the stairs. Oddly I find my balance and sliding an entire floor in my SHINS, I'm leaning back and finally catch a grip on the side of stairs and jump up. I'm shocked but not in ANY pain whatsoever. I actually laugh and a guy is laughing at me, of course I"m offended, but he tells me that he's in shock "I was literally thinking of calling an ambulance, then you just jumped up". Now, the Lord protected me on that one, I was mad that i didn't listen to Him and wear my better boots, but I was actually really okay... Thank you dedicated building and a good center from years of dancing. :)

That's it, I might find another random tangent... I can not read this and wonder why I have bad social skills... :)

2011-10-20T21:29:00.001-06:00

"... please understand that what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him.21 Have hope and faith in that promise. Learn to love your Heavenly Father and become His disciple in word and in deed.

"...no matter where you live, no matter how humble your circumstances, how meager your employment, how limited your abilities, how ordinary your appearance, or how little your calling in the Church may appear to you, you are not invisible to your Heavenly Father. He loves you. He knows your humble heart and your acts of love and kindness. Together, they form a lasting testimony of your fidelity and faith." (You Matter to Him, Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

This is great comfort to me. The devil of all devils works on us all. Makes us feel 'good' when we talk about one another, label, demean... Life can be rough sometimes, but only PATIENCE can determine an appropriate reaction to the blatantly unfair portions of life. There is much impatience. Anger is impatient, anxiety results from impatience... We think we deserve better.. :) We don't :) JK... we deserve love... but as he also states in this talk, thought life just isn't fair, the rewards in Heaven are wonderful.

2011-10-13T00:19:00.001-06:00

King Benjamin was an amazing man, with amazing wisdom:

"I say unto you that as I have been suffered to aspend my days in your service, even up to this time, and have not sought bgold nor silver nor any manner of riches of you...

"And even I, myself, have alabored with mine own bhands that I might serve you, and that ye should not be claden with taxes, and that there should nothing come upon you which was grievous to be borne..." (Mosiah 2:12, 14)

Mosiah was an amazing man, a King, yet better than any politician today; you'd be hard pressed to find one that wasn't seeking for riches or control... (most businessmen have control issues... that's how it is).

He makes a simple promised, same chapter vs. 22: "...all that he requires of you is to keep his commandments; and he has promised you that if ye would keep his commandments ye should prosper in the land; and he never doth vary from that which he hath said; therefore, if ye do keep his commandments he doth bless you and prosper you."

I know a lot of people have died in the major tragedies this year; however hearing about both the Tsunami and the tornados- there are incredible stories of miracles from members of the Church, especially missionaries. The stake center in Missouri a group of YSA were in the stake center that was pummeled by this horrible tornado- and lived... (see: http://www.ldschurchnews.com/articles/60965/Mormon-stake-center-destroyed-Incomprehensible-damage-in-Joplin-Mo.html). God protects us, we are still mortal- we still die, but he DOES protect those who follow him...

Back to Mosiah the King in the Book of Mormon; LDS know that later on the people on the continent realized that Kings can be good and bad, if they are good things are great- the people are good, if they are bad- then the people are likely to be bad too- as he has so much power of a king, so they instituted judges- similar... to what we have today in America.

Right now and since the beginning there has been a war over the 'ideal' of equality... I studied a little about history of kings since Christ died and the dark ages were pretty nasty, there was anarchy, then there were Kings- not a lot of middle ground... we are going back to that right now and it's sad... Well, we aren't really going back... but many distrust the government, b/c there is a lot unknown about where our taxes go and they do act like celebrities with loads of money (from us)- it feels less like King Benjamin and more like King Noah... especially with all his 'concubines', you'd be hard pressed to find a politican that didn't think he could get away with anything and sleep with anyone!

Entitlement is an interesting issue... I don't believe Republicans are the only one's who understand this word and I see it on both sides, but I can't support anyone who says the word Socialism or even hints at it to be my 'leader'... We aren't going to lose our constitution, we WILL get close.

I don't want to blog about politics, but it's a HUGE issue... I think it wasn't so huge back in the B.O.M. times... technology has made entitlement and living off others more possible than ever before in our history; there were beggars back then, but if people helped you- you at least saw who it was coming from and how- which likely made you want to get back on your feet as quickly as possible.

I myself was in such a bind two years ago after the real initial 'recession'. I had found a job I was sure was set- gave two weeks notice and even trained their new person, had cake for departing- then it all fell through; no one could help me, for various reasons I couldn't 'live' with any family at the time and the Church helped. I got to walk in the Deseret super market and I was literally crying walking through the doors thinking about how everything there was from LOVE, people willingly gave their free time and effort to set up an entire supermarket... I luckily found other help, a job AND went back to school two months later, but nothing like knowing what is given to you to help you is from someone who cares to jump back up on your feet!...

I do believe that the narcissist ideal of I'm too good for life to be this hard is stupid. Depression is a tad bit of that; drugs; illicit sex... everything that the Lord warns against is actually very selfish, there is nothing more selfless than waiting for someone who cares about you and you care about and plan to commit to no matter how crazy things get because children will likely result from your joining, not to mention powerful emotions for BOTH sexes that can be too much to handle without trust... (ever see daytime talk shows??? VIOLENT... they can't handle the result of those consequences... 'Free Love' does not come free from awful consequences)

Okay. In Heaven we FOUGHT for our freedom and right to CHOOSE-so we could all experience unique situations that can mold us into the track of being like our Father; I might date to mention- not the better than the person next to us ideal- that was Satan's personal goal and why he wanted us to lose out on agency in mortality- he wanted to be better than us all... but to be equal with our father is JOY... Now in our journey as in all journeys, sometimes we do have to congregate to like individuals; sometimes those who are on a different level should be associate appropriately (like drug addicts or something)- IF it possibly affects our own personal growth. Snobbery is not of the Lord, he was absolutely perfect and spent most of his time with sinners, but we aren't all perfect and may need to just follow the spirit on that one... ;)

On that note... I've been thinking about competition... It's a weird concept as I'm not at all competitive, against myself- yes. My talents and goals have been attained by admiring a person's artwork or achievement and wanting to achieve the same, but I never joined competitions; I won awards for art and had occasional praise for my singing, dancing and acting, but the praise wasn't my GOAL, my goal was to meet the standards and convey a message, so when I hear people talk about ideals and competition and succeeding with the ideal of being better or above someone- it feels empty- their goal seems empty... like you accomplished this, you won this award and THAT was your goal. I find that rather sad... I'd rather have talents and goals that I want to sustain and constantly grow at; I don't desire to drop other talents to focus on one so I can make millions... I want to survive, make good money and do what the Lord asks of me... I like focusing on different things at different times, or else how could I call myself a woman; mortality is short- I want to experience it and make an influence on the world, not let the world influence me and win it's praise.

I went to BYU Idaho and had a great teacher sister Bone that changed my view of dance and art completely. I used to be so focused on looking cool, looking good when I danced (I was a Jazz dancer and that is the style- over the top at times...); I learned to see that dance is really spiritual, all art is spiritual. As an artist you are creating something and influencing people on a deeper level :) ; if you are in-tuned with the spirit other people can feel that same message... It's really cool. I forgot about being liked and thought more about a purpose, my art's effect on other people. I saw girls like Britney Spears making millions... but it seemed SO empty, she spent who whole career listening to PR people and making decisions based on sales and monetary gain- not some deep influential meaning... Not that all art I do needs to speak about salvation and repentance, but it should uplift and bring betterment to another person, I promised the Father this. Other wonderful artists with beautiful music started to seem selfish too, especially the sad ones (ex fiona apple) they were seeking for validating through music, but denying the call the uplift... why sing, why dance, why paint if there is no purpose or meaning to influence others for good?...

So, I'm rather picky about opportunities. I look for them, I find them... I accomplish them, and some I let slide ;) The end, good night.

Life Worth Living

2011-09-30T23:24:00.010-06:00

I adore my baby niece. I keep thinking about scriptures speaking of children saying marvelous things.

Doctrine and Covenants 128:18

"...those things which never have been revealed from the foundation of the world, but have been kept hid from the wise and prudent, shall be revealed unto babes and sucklings in this, the dispensation of the fulness of times.."

She is truly a miracle and I love her so very much. I remember the day that she was born I was holding her in my arms she chuckled and laughed at my joke about her older sister... I was in shock, the timing was perfect, a smile crept across her face and she was shaking... she was laughing! Babies aren't supposed to understand what we're saying- are they?... I soon found this incredible gift in this wonderful baby... I would come to my sister's house and tell her about my life and without fail at the exact punch line moment my baby niece was laughing like an adult, most people, let alone adults don't quite understand my sense of humor- but this little girl and i were on the exact same wavelength.

This summer a tragedy occurred and she suffered a very traumatic blunt trauma to the head. The week prior I was planning to go by the home of mi hermana, but felt that I shouldn't. I had bought this specific niece simple stacking cups and her siblings some art supplies. I was clearly inspired what to buy, not at all intending to buy those items at all, but I remember rushing to the hospital being told she was in the children's hospital, completely lost- and having a panic attack I called a friend who worked there- who helped me find the ER (in panic I was told she was not in the ER... but luckily he knew enough and had the right inspiration to tell me to just go there and that I was close to it, I have no sense of direction sometimes...). Sitting in the hospital with the art supplies, giving a perfect escape for her siblings while waiting in the ER waiting room, and holding those stacking cups, I KNEW God wouldn't have me buy something without a purpose, in fact I didn't want to buy them- they were so simple- she deserved a more complicated gift- but I then realized she would need those cups later on. Sure enough later that week my cups did have a purpose her first week in the hospital proving that her abilities were improving and coordination was still there.

My niece was in the hospital for two weeks, the exact amount of time my brother in law stated in the waiting room hospital, even though we didn't know if she would live yet, I know he was being inspired by God in what he was speaking- despite his emotional grief and distress...

I remember the day it all happened remembering being at my family home and my niece walking up to me and giving me a longing look with what I can only describe as a President Hinckley wink. Her Joy and personality amazed me and I couldn't handle losing that... I knew the brain is such a big influence on our way of thinking, emotions, I knew people who'd changed from brain injuries.. but her recovery has been a miracle, which has given me hope and faith in God.

If she had died, I would have found peace, and I know God, I know His love, I knew that maybe she was too incredible for this world, maybe she didn't need much of a mortal experience, but I feel and know we needed her and still need her love and joy... I knew the influence she had my sister's entire family and the Joy she gave and they still needed, so God saved her; doctors listening to God saved her (as ALL knowledge IS from Him).

On contrast- this year began on a sad note for many at my work. New Years Day I started a new shift with my job at 6am. I had trained with a good size group for months. I come in to be greeted by a co-worker with strange news, our Co-Worker Denny had a seizure and was not doing well... Of course I walked down to the isle of her desk and saw her half laying out of her cubicle... It was an unreal moment. I heard how the paramedics were talking to her like she was dying at the moment, "Come on Denny! Come on!..." They were clearly shocking her to get her heart started... then I felt 'it', I felt that she was gone. I had to walk back to my cubicle and get into happy sales mode and get on the phones... I could barely get through the first call, had to pause and put the customer on hold... we all had to just go back to work like nothing had happened. I overheard people saying they saw her on a stretcher and saying something about someone dying... I had just seen someone die.

Denny was short for Denise, and ironically her last name was Hartfield. It was different knowing Denny... she was in her late 60s with a masculine haircut and clothes, she chose a masculine name... I really tried to overlook our differences, people pointed out the similarities in our names... it was different, but I hate people judging people who are different, so I did try to look past anything different.

I remember sitting at my desk- shocked- and hearing her voice, not audible, but CLEARLY in my head... "Debi... she was a nice girl." and knew she was walking past me. I had a similar experience when I was a child and my Grandmother died.. I stood outside my home and heard her voice, knowing it was NOT audible- but in my mind- telling me how beautiful 'heaven' was and how she didn't want us to be sad, because where she was was so amazingly wonderful. I went to her funeral and tried to cheer everyone up as well as a 7 year old could.

Death is something that had become more real the older I get. My recent experience was really hard because I had to actually SEE someone die... I have NEVER seen anyone die, I've lost all my grandparents, a couple uncles I never knew, but they were either sick already or I hardly knew them.

This past year I've had two very close family members have health problems besides my niece. My mom had cancer in her abdomen, luckily it was localized. A year before a family friend had cancer in her abdomen and I remember sitting with my mom talking about it and telling her I was worried she had that too.. she said .."no, no...' but I had an impression and I worried... I worry. If you talk to me more than once- you will know that. So I prayed for her... She started going to a doctor who knew she was anemic and pressed her get various test done. After a couple years seeing her she did a particular test that did find a tumor... and it was cancer, but it was not spreading from what they thought, but wouldn't know until they had surgery. Although we hoped it would be an easy one time procedure... you never know. The days before I was in a lot of shock trying to handle the news. I remember my Father telling me about 'something' they found and my mom was having surgery, and I kept pressing him "is it benign or cancerous...?".. he wouldn't answer, I asked if she would be okay, he would say that he thought so... Luckily surgery was successful and so far- she is great :)

Very recently I got really... sick. I had the worst cold I've ever had in my life, it was July and I thought I was going to pass out on my apartment floor. Literally scared for my own life I did all my 'holistic' detox baths with Juniper Berry and Eucalyptus oils.. and lots and lots of homemade soup... My entire body ached from head to toe, but luckily no fever... I went to work the next day but felt I could barely make it through an hour and asked to leave, I knew I had to go home to get better... I get home and my mom is really worried about my Father who is sick.. I tell her my symptoms and how I was feeling much better- day later- and she's actually wanting to know what oils I used... she slightly believes in holistic healing- but when she really wanted to know- I knew she was actually truly worried about my dad... but he just doesn't complain. He had a fever and they go to the doctor and they immediately admit him to the hospital for pneumonia, but more than anything a very high heart rate. Of course I had to watch Greys Anatomy and hear my fave person Katherine Heigl talking about having a high heart rate and all the minor and major things this could mean, but in the medical world- it always meant something was wrong. I was slightly better and we all knew I had to get back to work or I'd be in trouble there.

I go back home and call and text my mom constantly about my Dad... I always worry about him, and with my mother and my niece's health issues... I knew he was under a LOT of stress... His pneumonia was actually minor and my dad was very annoyed to be in the hospital... but test after test they finally found a blocked artery. My dad asks what symptoms he should have looked for, the doctor said- none the only symptom would be 'sudden death'. My mother telling me this over the phone... I can't believe what this year has brought on, but feel somehow that prayers for both of their health was answered by God. I was, as some recently described me, paranoid, but there was basis for this paranoia and both health problems could have been overlooked, but somehow doctors pressed till they found what did to save my parent's lives this past year.

Of course I got better, and of course I missed a promotion at work for being sick and taking a day off to be with family as my niece was in critical condition... had to work after I saw a co-worker die. Not complaining... Life is just hard. This year has been hard... but then I think about how many people had 'sudden' death in Missouri and Japan... You just can't feel sorry for yourself and certainly can't expect people to feel sorry for you, we're all dealing with our own trials. God cares, God comforts, and He knows what is right for our learning.

Seeing my family members escape 'sudden death' was very faith inspiring... but I have known people who have died that I thought my prayers would help live. One was my friend Georgeanne. She was a really sweet friend. She and I were more than acquaintances, but not super close... I adored her though! She overcame financial hardship and became a nurse, she later went on a mission and came home beautiful as ever, but with a diagnosis of cancer. I came home and we hung out, she had chemo and lost her beautiful hair... but I had remembered her as a Mia Maid running up to me to telling me she's had her patriarchal blessing and that it said she was going to marry a very handsome man, I was jealous... I wanted mine to say that!... So, I knew she would get married and live- right!?... Not so, later that year while I was back at college, my mom called me and said she had died. So my thoughts went back to her telling me all this... about her husband... and I knew it was still true... She really would have a very handsome resurrected husband and would raise children in the millennium.

Book of Mormon

2011-09-18T14:03:00.003-06:00

I love the Book of Mormon, especially Nephi, not just because he is recording to be large in stature and of much strength, but because he provides so much insight into a life driven by pure intent and absolute faith in God.

1Nephi 19:22

"Now it came to pass that I, Nephi, did teach my brethren these things; and it came to pass that I did read many things to them, which were engraven upon the aplates of brass, that they might know concerning the doings of the Lord in other lands, among people of old."

This scripture just made me feel like blogging about the Book of Mormon and how amazing it is. It really is pure and free from bad interpretations from men with not so good intentions. Nephi speaks about praying to God about the Israelites before they are taken into bondage, probably around the time of Daniel. Nephi was a prophet who knew people would be critical of this book in these the last days (vs. 6 of same chapter). I have heard critical complaints about the validity of this book, I read the chapters in 'question' and I find my faith and perspective of who these people were provide the answers with little research... The book is true, you can dissect it all you want, but it is book written and compiled by prophets and undefiled, so it is the most perfect and pure book available.

WOW

2011-09-15T07:05:00.002-06:00

"A study of 30 university students aged between 20 and 24 years old found that drinking just one 250ml sugar-free can of the caffeinated energy drink increased the “stickiness” of the blood and raised the risk of blood clots forming.
"...studies have examined the effects of consuming Red Bull, one can of which contains 80mg of caffeine — around the same as a cup of filter coffee — and taurine, an amino acid commonly used in energy drinks.
"...Earlier this year a teenager from Darlington was sent to hospital after drinking eight cans of Red Bull. Paramedics reported that the 15-year-old suffered heart palpitations." (Red Bull gives you wings - and heart trouble?; Sophie Tedmanson in Sydney and David Rose )

Dang, glad I never drank that stuff. I have taken Excedrin and remember the first time I was did I was one- extremely relieved from my horrible migraine which I'd been treating with IB-profien and two I was extremely hyper... Then I read the label- as much caffeine as a cup of coffee. Caffeine can be tricky when it comes to what we should or should not partake of the W.O.W. (word of wisdom, the LDS religious code of ethics that allows us to take the sacrament, meaning if we are harming our 'temples' then we are not worthy of it). No coffee, tea, tobacco, alcohol, nothing illegal, and I'd say- no red bull... never had it, but I know Bishops preparing boys for missions had then stop drinking it before they could go.

"When we allow any substance to control us, we surrender a part of the freedom for which we fought in the pre-earth life. We allow ourselves to be puppets controlled by outside influences rather than agents who act for themselves. This is contrary to the Lord’s desire for us. “Wherefore, the Lord God gave unto man that he should act for himself” (2 Nephi 2:16)." (http://lds.org/new-era/2008/12/energy-drinks-the-lift-that-lets-you-down?lang=eng&query=energy+drinks).

Personally, I did find Excedrin to amazing at first, then the second or third time side effects became apparent. I would feel jittery, anxious, couldn't sleep well, it wasn't worth it. I found better alternatives to ease my migraines and haven't wanted excedrin for a long time. Neither have I wanted a caffeinated drink on a long drive (which ironically causes my migraines usually). I also found that I didn't truly feel energized, I mean I wouldn't fall asleep with it in my body, but I hardly felt so able to do much of anything I was so overwhelmed with my hieghten heart rate that I felt any more physical activity would break me, and studies show- it would! (look at first article). I feel the same with my inhaler for asthma, which I'm sure could and would save my life if I was near death of an asthma attack; but being my asthma is exercise induced, I need when I've trying to do a workout, run, or dance, all of which requires energy. The last time I used my inhaler to work out I couldn't get through half the workout I'd made it through just a day before and had to lay down, my heart was going to explode. Maybe I'm a little in-tuned to be my body ;); and as far as alertness goes- a famous psychiatrist who does brain speck scans stated that caffeine decreases blood flow to the brain, so... maybe not worth it at all!

"If you read the HowStuffWorks article How Sleep Works, you learned that the chemical adenosine binds to adenosine receptors in the brain. The binding of adenosine causes drowsiness by slowing down nerve cell activity. In the brain, adenosine binding also causes blood vessels to dilate (presumably to let more oxygen in during sleep).

Adenosine is produced by your daily activity. For example, the article How Exercise Works discusses how muscles produce adenosine as one of the byproducts of exercise.

To a nerve cell, caffeine looks like adenosine. Caffeine, therefore, binds to the adenosine receptors. However, it doesn't slow down the cell's activity as adenosine would. The cells cannot sense adenosine anymore because caffeine is taking up all the receptors adenosine binds to. So instead of slowing down because of the adenosine level, the cells speed up. You can see that caffeine also causes the brain's blood vessels to constrict, because it blocks adenosine's ability to open them up. This effect is why some headache medicines, like Anacin, contain caffeine -- if you have a vascular headache, the caffeine will close down the blood vessels and relieve it.

"With caffeine blocking the adenosine, you have increased neuron firing in the brain. The pituitary gland sees all of the activity and thinks some sort of emergency must be occurring, so it releases hormones that tell the adrenal glands to produce adrenaline (epinephrine). Adrenaline is, of course, the "fight or flight" hormone and it has a number of effects on your body:

Your pupils dilate
Your breathing tubes open up (this is why people suffering from severe asthma attacks are sometimes injected with epinephrine)
Your heart beats faster
Blood vessels on the surface constrict to slow blood flow from cuts and also to increase blood flow to muscles; blood pressure rises
Blood flow to the stomach slows
The liver releases sugar into the bloodstream for extra energy
Muscles tighten up ready for action ..."

Yeah, I love the feeling AFTER an adrenaline rush- not during one. Why mess up your body's natural chemistry to have more energy? There is no substitute for giving your body what it truly needs... sleep!

quotes

2011-09-09T07:57:00.003-06:00

"When you disarm the people, you commence to offend them and show that you distrust them either through cowardice or lack of confidence, and both of these opinions generate hatred."
Niccolo Machiavelli

I find communism and forms of socialism to be just that- lack of confidence in 'the people'. Today people ARE selfish and prideful, but giving up and saying we must be forced into being 'good' (especially when that word good and 'equal' have become so perverted). And of course, me history and God think so; and all the same show that this simply does produce massive amounts of hate.

"Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy."
Dale Carnegie

Yep.

"It is just as cowardly to judge an absent person as it is wicked to strike a defenseless one. Only the ignorant and narrow-minded gossip, for they speak of persons instead of things."
Lawrence G. Lovasik

People just suck sometimes.

"While gossip among women is universally ridiculed as low and trivial, gossip among men, especially if it is about women, is called theory, or idea, or fact."
Andrea Dworkin

No words.

Turn the other Cheek

2011-09-01T03:59:00.012-06:00

"Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and faith...

"...First, “charity suffereth long.” That is what patience is all about. Charity “is not easily provoked” is another aspect of this quality, as is charity “beareth all things.” And finally, charity “endureth all things” is certainly an expression of patience (Moroni 7:45). From these defining elements it is evident that without patience gracing our soul, we would be seriously lacking with respect to a Christlike character." (The Power of Patience, Robert C. Oaks)"

The opposite of impatience can be considered many forms of 'pride'. It is pride that makes us feel entitled, that makes us believe that we deserve better, we shouldn't keep being patient with that annoying dirty roommate... Not to imply things shouldn't be addressed and changed, but if it's accomplished with patience and absolute love- then all is well.

I have a rule with roommates, if it doesn't affect me- why say anything. If it does and happens once- and doesn't affect me immediately or my life immediately- say nothing and let it go. If it does?- wait till you're not angry and say something, and I do. I hate arguments as much as I do driving and dislike very much people that feel they should speak their frustrations when they're frustrated... wait till you're not- you'll be rational and able to find a common ground with patience.

Am I perfect?- oh no- not at all. Do I get angry? You betcha... Case in point- driving... I feel being in a car crash to be non-negotiable ;) I often speak my mind in the moment of frustration- as I feel it is unlikely we will move over to the side of the road and negotiate how to drive more safely or cause one another less stress... though being in oregon- that anger has greatly subsided.... greatly. (Utah drivers are BAAAD; mostly bad timing).

I find that locking the door is paramount and sleep is paramount. Over time things have occurred to make sanitation take a high-flying-leap to the top (fecal matter should be kept in the domains of the toilet- bowl), along with having the spirit in your 'home', so sleeping around, watching porn, or making a move on me, may possibly be intolerable for me, and I may move... because those are things can not change about them...

I know many that go their whole lives nearly saying nothing, getting no sleep because of roommates, have naked loiters walk into their living rooms because the door was unlocked... and possibly, possibly they truly are more free...

Recently I had a defiant roommate that was kindly, verbally approached to quote "please talk more quietly"; I was welcomed with quick reaction of basically deal with it, "I am as quiet as possible for me". After that response I had spoken my peace and I simply found the loudest quiet noise imaginable and all was well. I got through college with a huge, loud fan... life saver...

Locking the door has mostly not been a huge issue with roommates. Several years ago however I lived in a complex that was older and had both a bottom lock and a dead bolt. (as all know the bottom lock does nothing). She had trouble with her key and began refusin to ever lock the door. I'd wake up to an unlocked door often, but when reports of a rape from in intruder a block away, and countless break ins- just one building next to mine. Stories involved- almost always with the victim waking up with a weird guy looking at them in their sleep... I began to believe and express that this was no longer negotiable; this affected my immediate safety and ground rule reins supreme- just lock it.

Before-mentioned female roommate would come home yelling and literally kicking the door because I'd dead bolted it. She began a negative stream and anything I did was wrong and she just 'had' to voice all these concerns everyday, often kicking and screaming at the front door that I had locked it, how dare I?... Non- negotiable.

Dishes... oh dishes.. I may have posted my journey to happy resolution to keeping them from piling up in the sink, yet i never feel much to complain about it. I can handle a mess and I can handle the 'no dish left in the sink- ever' rule... What do you do? If it's BIG- hand wash it, if it's little and piles up- get that dishwasher unloaded consistently, we can all have a clean kitchen? Works like a charm, especially when there is no 'attitude' or yelling. :D I've had roommies I've attempted to institute this with, those who agreed- there WAS peace and harmony with dishes, those who didn't... dishes piled up and everyone blamed everyone else, I generally shut my mouth, except on rare occasions to inform people to STOP pointing fingers and giving each other an attitude...

Christ spoke of turning the other cheek; loving those that hate you, but when it came to the house of God, not negotiable:

"12 ¶And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,

13 And said unto them, It is written, My a house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.

14 And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them.

(Matthew 21)

Standing up for yourself has it's place in life. Jesus 'cleansed' the temple and many rejoiced, and who's say anyone was still at the tables, or that he was angry; I think possibly he was happy to finally clean house ;) Maybe the goal should not be to avoid offense, but to make sure our intent was of love, if it was... and if we're accused of pride, started someone else contentious reaction, if our intent truly was of love and pursuit of absolute truth- we can walk away in peace.

I could truly do more to be patient with gossip and snobby non-verbals from individuals; the boy that I had minor interest in but had to conclude there was none coming back to me and his non-verbals screaming "why are you in my presence... leave me be" (though I try so hard to be nice to... a balancing act of hurt self esteem and hopes and a desire to be kind no matter what and always love everyone...) It's tough. Life is tough...

Sometimes to make the right 'change' you need to focus on that person, it may require walking away from them, maybe even avoiding them, maybe moving, and maybe even calling the cops on someone who threatens your safety. That's that way life seems to be...

"The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s."

2011-08-28T00:14:00.005-06:00

I have been thinking about Pride today and how it is a universal sin and almost everyone possesses it in some fashion. Today at work I was trying to help an elderly man with one of the products we sell, but we got no where as the man kept cutting me off and going ahead of my directions and coming up with the same wrong results, I had to tell him that I knew I could help him but he needed to trust that I knew this product very well and had fixed this exact problem hundreds of times.. in which he countered that he was a mechanical engineer and knew what he was doing and said he had no patience and totally gave up on something that took longer than needed to, and was easy to fix. How much we are like that man, so sure that we know from our twenty some odd years how to do this or that, we have our education and 'life' experience, that what God is telling us can and should be done we either lose sight of it's possibility or are convinced his council is not quite right.

In my life I find that closing your mind to pain or hurtful situations can come off prideful, and in a way are. It's hard to tell when you're avoiding someone or something to be 'safe' or simply giving into a closed door of misunderstanding; yet if a person repeatedly treats you like they don't like you as a friend even, it's hard to want to be around that person even though you've tried. We all find people that aren't what we exactly want in a friend or the person who seems needy or down can be difficult to be around and find justification in avoiding them, giving off the cold non-verbals of leave me alone... but should anyone really be treated like that. I have trouble with that. Lately especially I've developed into a more an more honest person that I can't stand even ending relationships with me without apologizing for avoiding them... Avoiding people isn't truly pride or mean if it's done for the right reasons and with kindness... I actually understand that coming from other people and find that much less annoying than the person who forces themselves to be around people they don't internally have love for- or care for, as it the lovely non-verbals show their annoyance and true internal dislike, all despite smiling and a sweet words.

The Savior truly had no pride, yet many found him offensive and were angry because of his truth. I love the story of him being badgered by the Pharisees in the New Testament and he said nothing for along time and just drew in the sand... Sometimes that is all you can do. Yet His absolute selflessness and love to have compassion on the people that were hurting him physically truly shows that he was not close minded... his heart was so full of love and possibility and he could only endure what he did because he had no pride whatsoever.

Elder Benson gave an epic General Conference talk entitled "Beware of Pride":
"Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21.)

"Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled. (See Alma 38:12; 3 Ne. 12:30.)

"Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s."

Essentially we use pride anytime we choose to, in my way of seeing things, close our minds to more truth and knowledge. This older folk was sure with all his years a young girl as myself could not possibly know more than him and he shut out that possibility, ultimately shutting out a quick and successfully solution to his problem.

In other facets we may even give a blind eye to truth, not closing our minds but selectively choosing what sins are worth avoiding and what are just not convenient to change at the time. I've found that when it comes to some emotional pangs, truly seeking truth, seeking to 'walk in the other person's shoes'- is your only true hope. To me pride is shutting your mind from a fullness of truth.

2011-08-15T00:03:00.003-06:00

I love Elder Bednar this week... Loved this talk about addictions to 'virutal reality' and how it weakens us spiritually:

“In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” the First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles declare that as spirit sons and daughters of God we “accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize [our] divine destiny as heirs of eternal life” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102; or Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49)”
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught with clarity the importance of our physical bodies:

“The devil has no body, and herein is his punishment. He is pleased when he can obtain the tabernacle of man…The devil has no power over us only as we permit him; the moment we revolt at anything which comes from God, the devil takes power.

“…Our physical bodies make possible a breadth, a depth, and an intensity of experience that simply could not be obtained in our premortal estate. President Boyd K. Packer has taught,

“…Our spirit and our body are combined in such a way that our body becomes an instrument of our mind and the foundation of our character.

“…Lucifer labors to make the sons and daughters of God confused and unhappy and to hinder their eternal progression. The overarching intent of the father of lies is that all of us would become “miserable like unto himself” (2 Nephi 2:27)

“Satan… strives to entice the sons and daughters of God to minimize the importance of their physical bodies. This particular type of attack is most subtle and diabolical. I want to provide several examples of how the adversary can pacify and lull us away into a sense of carnal security (see 2 Nephi 28:21) and encourage us to put at risk the earthly learning experiences that caused us to shout for joy (see Job 38:7) in the premortal existence.

“…Today I raise an apostolic voice of warning about the potentially stifling, suffocating, suppressing, and constraining impact of some kinds of cyberspace interactions and experiences upon our souls. The concerns I raise are not new; they apply equally to other types of media, such as television, movies, and music. But in a cyber world, these challenges are more pervasive and intense. I plead with you to beware of the sense-dulling and spiritually destructive influence of cyberspace technologies that are used to produce high fidelity and that promote degrading and evil purposes.

“…If the adversary cannot entice us to misuse our physical bodies, then one of his most potent tactics is to beguile you and me as embodied spirits to disconnect gradually and physically from things as they really are.

“..In essence, he encourages us to think and act as if we were in our premortal, unembodied state. And, if we let him, he can cunningly employ some aspects of modern technology to accomplish his purposes. Please be careful of becoming so immersed and engrossed in pixels, texting, ear buds, twittering, online social networking, and potentially addictive uses of media and the Internet that you fail to recognize the importance of your physical body and miss the richness of person-to-person communication. Beware of digital displays and data in many forms of computer-mediated interaction that can displace the full range of physical capacity and experience.
“…Progressively, seemingly innocent entertainment can become a form of pernicious enslavement.
“…To feel the warmth of a tender hug from an eternal companion or to see the sincerity in the eyes of another person as testimony is shared—all of these things experienced as they really are through the instrument of our physical body—could be sacrificed for a high fidelity fantasy that has no lasting value. If you and I are not vigilant, we can become “past feeling” (1 Nephi 17:45), as did Laman and Lemuel long ago." (Elder Bednar CES fireside)

I find this so true... I hate Facebook. It's depressing and it's not a good way of commincation most of the time, there are benefits... but its a world that studies have shown can either cause extreme narcisism or extreme insecurity... Virtual flirting is confusing, the temptation to vent is eternally echoed when it is done...

I found this article really interesting...:

“Educational psychologist Jane Healy believes children should be kept away from computer games until they are seven. Most games only trigger the 'flight or fight' region of the brain, rather than the vital areas responsible for reasoning.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1153583/Social-websites-harm-childrens-brains-Chilling-warning-parents-neuroscientist.html#ixzz1UcEPTGFx
Sue Palmer, author of Toxic Childhood, said: 'We are seeing children's brain development damaged because they don't engage in the activity they have engaged in for millennia.
'I'm not against technology and computers. But before they start social networking, they need to learn to make real relationships with people.'

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1153583/Social-websites-harm-childrens-brains-Chilling-warning-parents-neuroscientist.html#ixzz1UcEa3bJF

2011-08-04T22:40:00.002-06:00

"Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time. The scriptures are clear and certain about the importance of hope. The Apostle Paul taught that the scriptures were written to the end that we “might have hope.”

"Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time. The scriptures are clear and certain about the importance of hope. The Apostle Paul taught that the scriptures were written to the end that we “might have hope.”

"...The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart." (The Infinite Power of Hope, President Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

Hope is something that takes action. Too many believe that hope comes from having a fantastic trial free life. I believe that it those trials that give us such hope for a better life, for without that opposition the 'better' wouldn't exist and we would appreciate none of our blessings whatsoever.

WHOA Nelly....

2011-07-28T00:07:00.003-06:00

I have been thinking greatly on the subject of arguments… I find that being a very outspoken and socially retarded individual as myself people much too often think they hear me say something that I did not say, or assume my naturally blunt nature implies something more than is there.... Arguments are really two people are positive that their viewpoint of a something is greater and more right than the person they are speaking to and must be forced upon that individual in some neurotic means of sometimes yelling and- well- yelling. I believe that this can be avoided by simply being open minded and sincerely looking for truth… When we recognize that we are anything but perfect or all knowing, then we are not offended if someone says something that could change our perspective- we may not agree- but we are not upset; or possibly it’s that insecurity of truly knowing but superficially avoiding this same fact and our fear of the truth scares us- so we yell our point repeatedly till neither has the emotional strength to bear the presence of the other and leave less knowledgeable of the truth in someone’s brain that ever before.

3 Nephi 11:29

29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another

Lately I have been trying pretty hard to overcome one of my greatest weaknesses- caring what other people think… Oddly as I’ve had the best week of being able to overcome this- I’ve also had more negative things said to me in a week or two than in the past year (by people not of my family). Somehow I was able to see past the negative and irrational judgments and still see me as God sees me… which is incredibly hard when Satan is also screaming in your face saying you’ll never progress and sometimes jumping into other people’s bodies to relay this horrible message…
Gossip is real damaging and cruel words by those who are positive that they are justified in giving them is a sad shame.

Elder Spencer W. Kimball wrote: “Lies and gossip which harm reputations are scattered about by the four winds like the seeds of a ripe dandelion held aloft by a child. Neither the seeds nor the gossip can ever be gathered in. The degree and extent of the harm done by the gossip is inestimable” (The Miracle of Forgiveness [1969], 54).
I must be honest, I try too hard to be- well- honest that I sometimes imply to others that there is more behind my comments- when there really is not. I will say what I feel and people think I’m alluding to something more or am really angry when I’m really not. I’ve had a few runins lately, partially as I’ve been becoming more and more capable of speaking up for myself, which is actually a really great thing in and of itself- but the tact and timing is still being worked on… Sadly I’ve been in some really trying experiences that have caused me to feel like I’m in a trapped nightmare, what a tough year… and sadly many people’s views have changed as I’ve mistakening caused a couple of men’s views to change of me for the worst- I can read and see judgement in people’s faces- those who hardly know me and the feeling of helplessness is awful and terrible. Though I’ve apologized to these individuals- things are truly spread just like a million seeds of hate and I’m totally incapable of unoffended those who weren’t even offended but feel they have a right to be…

Back to the subject of arguments… I’m in such a weird bind. I feel that honesty is too much for too many to handle… recently a truly mindless comment brought upon me about ten minutes of being yelled at over baseless claims against me in a very public place- causing me to feel even more helpless … This person felt justified in throwing my face his own judgments of me- possibly from situations that had nothing to do with him at all- but he was positive I deserved to thrown in my ‘place’- putting judgments on me for doing something that he was doing at that exact moment- in a very inappropriate way… of course leading to honest answers from me- an apology for the misunderstanding (as my one simple comment that was intended with no harm or judgment whatsoever…) was rejected and I was left with an even bigger mess than before- as I’ve been using all my strength and ability to overcome my own faults- make amends with people… and I was treated like I had no intention or ability of doing so… again from such gossip that is not accurate and not necessary to have been spread…

President John Taylor earlier told the Saints, “The reputation of our neighbors and the members of our Church should be as dear to us as our own, and we should carefully avoid doing anything to another or saying anything about another that we would not wish done or said about ourselves” (in James R. Clark, compiler, Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 volumes [1965–75], 3:84).